The service stations on the Pennsylvania Turnpike: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. And white trash.

It was at one service station that I saw the first rat tail worn by an American since 1986. Seriously. A rat tail. On an adult man.

Even worse, we saw this t-shirt on a woman. The woman was heavier, and from a distance the t-shirt looked disturbingly real. Of course, this was the woman we were stuck behind waiting for food. She added to the ass-crack effect with a giant tattoo of her late father on her leg. Fortunately, her leg was like a tree stump so she could get a large image of her father in photographic detail. While it may be tempting, I would ask all readers not to tattoo a giant picture of my face on their legs when I die.